You are here in this city, you are back again to the same old routines. Or maybe not? While I keep on eating instant noodles after midnight for 3 days in a row, your innocence kept on haunting me. There are only two options: know or having to not know at all. My mind falls in neither in those two. The butterfly in my stomach is no longer there since last Thursday. Your return apparently is not the answer to my questions. Yet, I am still somewhat insecure and fragile to some point, I will no longer run. I will just wait and see.
4.12.2014
1.23.2014
Berhenti sejenak untuk berkontemplasi
Perhaps I keep on faking it, saying "I'm fine" to everyone who asked the simple question of "how are you?". Perhaps I push myself too much, giving commitments to everything I thought I could manage. Perhaps my past ambitions have come back to me again, and letting me not in control of myself. Perhaps, and perhaps.
To many I have told lies, lies of me stating I am doing great. In fact, I am not. These past few months have been difficult, and many times I just feel that I am a failure. Several times I have been thinking to give up and just end everything, but the faces of several people keep haunting me. Those faces are the ones who keep me moving. Those faces are real and alive, they keep me alive. Those faces have not let me give up on myself and are the backbones to my dreams. They did not let me to simply give up, and I am very thankful for them. To have them as a part of my life is more than just a blessing.
Through my depression and other issues I had to deal and am dealing with, I have learned a lot. I still cannot say that I am fine for now, all I can say is that I am feeling better. I have not reached to the point where I have gained my focus back, but gradually, slowly but sure, I am moving forward.
Through my tears, insecurities and worries I began to understand the importance of appreciating every moment I have, every experience I have to go through and every person I have to deal with. Life is tough, but I must go on. I should no longer think to press the 'stop' button, instead I should press 'pause' and learn to be thankful for every single moment. I believe these past few months have helped me grow, not to be successful nor extraordinary, but to simply enjoy live life as it is.
To many I have told lies, lies of me stating I am doing great. In fact, I am not. These past few months have been difficult, and many times I just feel that I am a failure. Several times I have been thinking to give up and just end everything, but the faces of several people keep haunting me. Those faces are the ones who keep me moving. Those faces are real and alive, they keep me alive. Those faces have not let me give up on myself and are the backbones to my dreams. They did not let me to simply give up, and I am very thankful for them. To have them as a part of my life is more than just a blessing.
Through my depression and other issues I had to deal and am dealing with, I have learned a lot. I still cannot say that I am fine for now, all I can say is that I am feeling better. I have not reached to the point where I have gained my focus back, but gradually, slowly but sure, I am moving forward.
Through my tears, insecurities and worries I began to understand the importance of appreciating every moment I have, every experience I have to go through and every person I have to deal with. Life is tough, but I must go on. I should no longer think to press the 'stop' button, instead I should press 'pause' and learn to be thankful for every single moment. I believe these past few months have helped me grow, not to be successful nor extraordinary, but to simply enjoy live life as it is.
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